Thursday, March 11

the new normal

do you know what i keep waiting for?  for things to get back to normal.  but i don't know what that means anymore....since matthew joined our family, things have been turned upside down, not in a bad way, mind is just chaotic for most of the day.  it seems like everything is constantly in upheaval mode.  it takes me forever to leave the house with him in tow, i never know if i am going to get an entire night's sleep and i'm constantly worried that i will forget something important (i. e.  food or diapers) when we are out.  sometimes i don't feel like myself, that instead someone has taken over...some person who can actually handle being a wife and a mother AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!  i sometimes did i get here?  and what have they done with the old me?

BUT...these past three months have brought more joy into my life than i ever thought possible.  i look around at my wonderful life and i don't even recognize did i get so lucky to be blessed with all the love and joy i have in my life....even if it is more chaotic now than it ever has been, i have learned something important about myself:  i can juggle (no, not in the actual beanbag sense) but i can do SOOOOOO many things at once...or at least attempt to.  i live my life by lists and schedules, but this little man has taught me one thing:  relax and be flexible.

so i don't think things are ever going to get back to normal....i think there is just a new normal. and i love the new has just taken a bit to get used to.  i think there is a learning curve with this whole "i have a child now" thing.  i don't know how it is possible for someone who can only coo and cry as his means of communication to teach me things....having a child has changed my life, only in positive ways....even if i feel like my life is never going to get back to's just the new normal. and like i said, i love, LOVE, love the new normal.

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